Of course, let's not forget on my birthday, the day before he ran away, after 2 years any holiday card ( birthday, Christmas, valentines day) , always coming with an " I'm sorry things are so tough right now, I'm doing my best, I love you" clause, when he stood in the doorway to my cage as I was getting dressed for work. I looked at him and said angrly, "what?" he tried to hand me what I'm sure was a birthday card.
I just looked at him bitterly and told him to leave it on the table. . As usual, I got all choked up, considering it was a double , whamy, my birthday and the day before he was walking out of my life.. I just couldn't take any more pain.
So as I was leaving, I picked up the card , walked past the pile of boxes and handed it back to him. " I don't know what this is or says, but after 2 years of promises and apoligies, I just can't do this any more," then I failed at not crying, and started to leave and when I handed it back to him, he actually looked annoyed at what I'm sure he thought of as how ungreatful I was being
It was another in a long line of disappointed "he simply doesn't get it" moments. And the worst part, because I loved him, was my deliberate act of inflicting pain on someone I cared about. Things were already bad enough, why put more pain into an already crowded world? Wasn't I trying to get away from pain?
I really don't know how to be angry with someone I love. I usually just cave. In this case the only person who deserved my love at that moment was me.
The fact that he just didn't understand, the fact that I'm sure he thought he was Doing the right thing, made it even worse, at least for me. Really shitty things always happen around my birthday, I've been fired, gotten bad medical news, a guy ever broke up with me once. So this was another classic example. Another failed gesture.
I wonder now what was in it. Did he put any thought into his choice? Another hollow apology, designed to look like love, when in fact it was an emotional trapdoor to get him off the hook? A sincere emotion? Even a best wish on this special day for someone I care about? Then I think about what I would have felt if it wasn't any of those.
Worse. Much much worse.
It reminded me of math class. Of being on the spot and not knowing the answer. In relationship math, in the beginning its the addition and multiplication of love. As relationships go on, it turns into algebra, geometry, trig and calc, more factors, more equations inside of brackets,, above and below lines. And in most of those problems, the answers are just ideas, points on a grid, the x's and y's, of life, when what you always hope to see are x's and o's
So, standing.g in front of him that day was like being called to the blackboard, igniting 2 of my worst fears. Not knowing the answer, and looking stupid in public, praying the earth would open under you right then, swallow you whole and end the suffering. Then having to walk back to your seat, defeated.
The worst part, in the end, is that at least in math if you can show your work the teacher can point out where you went wrong. In love, there is no partial credit.
B.
from my HTC smartphone on the Now Network from Sprint!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Saturday, August 06, 2011
My ESL student in the news
Hello all,
I rarely send out massive emails like this, but I wanted to share something special with you.
Some of you know that I work with an organization that offers training in English as a Second Language, and Adult Literacy. Open the attachment below to learn more about my student Nelson and what a difference volunteering in your community can make. One or two hours a week can change someone's life forever. It's a feeling like no other.
There are many organizations that would be happy to have someone like you. Please think about making a difference in your community
Sincerely
Brian
I rarely send out massive emails like this, but I wanted to share something special with you.
Some of you know that I work with an organization that offers training in English as a Second Language, and Adult Literacy. Open the attachment below to learn more about my student Nelson and what a difference volunteering in your community can make. One or two hours a week can change someone's life forever. It's a feeling like no other.
There are many organizations that would be happy to have someone like you. Please think about making a difference in your community
Sincerely
Brian
Nelson Perilla, United States Citizen
For many ESL students, their ultimate goal is United States citizenship and with it, the potential for a better future. Literacy Chicago is proud to announce that Nelson Perilla passed his examination this May and became a naturalized citizen.
Literacy Chicago's staff of volunteer tutors provides many advantages for ABE and ESL students. For the past two years, in addition to his Literacy Chicago classes, Nelson met with tutor Brian Turner every Saturday. As part of the learning plan, Nelson mentioned that he was studying for his U.S. citizenship examination, which includes an oral segment. Working in a Spanish language environment as Nelson did, there were few opportunities for him to speak and practice his English. Nelson knew that his language fluency was a critical element in advancing his career and realizing his goal of citizenship. Brian and Nelson then started to use the exam's 100 questions as a way for Nelson to practice his English, as well as study. Through their combined diligence and dedication, Nelson's conversational skills improved from an intermediate to advanced level in six months and his reading skills became outstanding.
The tutor and the student can take great pride in meeting a lofty goal. As Brian says, "I may not write the great American novel, fly to the moon or cure cancer, but today I realize that I have helped one person realize a life-long dream. I could not be prouder of him."
"I'm really happy with my citizenship and thank you for everything. Now I am looking to grow up more as a person and as an American citizen. I have my degree from Colombia, my major is in Business Administration. I would like to continue my education and I'm really interested in writing classes, because it is one of weaknesses. Brian helped me at lot... I want one day to speak and write English with confidence and take it as my own language, I know it is a long way, but I think it is one of my goals."
Many of us cannot comprehend the difficulties and obstacles encountered in learning a new language in order to become a citizen in a new country. Nelson richly deserves our admiration and heartiest congratulations. All of us at Literacy Chicago wish him well in his future endeavors as a citizen of the United States of America.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
I am the Oyster..koo koo kachoo
--Nov 17, 2006 July 1, 2011--
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Were walking close at hand;
They wept like anything to see
Such quantities of sand:
"If this were only cleared away,"
They said, "it would be grand!"
"If seven maids with seven mops
Swept it for half a year.
Do you suppose," the Walrus said,
"That they could get it clear?"
"I doubt it," said the Carpenter,
And shed a bitter tear.
"O Oysters, come and walk with us!"
The Walrus did beseech.
"A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk,
Along the briny beach:
We cannot do with more than four,
To give a hand to each."
The eldest Oyster looked at him,
But never a word he said:
The eldest Oyster winked his eye,
And shook his heavy head--
Meaning to say he did not choose
To leave the oyster-bed.
But four young Oysters hurried up,
All eager for the treat:
Their coats were brushed, their faces washed,
Their shoes were clean and neat--
And this was odd, because, you know,
They hadn't any feet.
Four other Oysters followed them,
And yet another four;
And thick and fast they came at last,
And more, and more, and more--
All hopping through the frothy waves,
And scrambling to the shore.
The Walrus and the Carpenter
Walked on a mile or so,
And then they rested on a rock
Conveniently low:
And all the little Oysters stood
And waited in a row.
"The time has come," the Walrus said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."
"But wait a bit," the Oysters cried,
"Before we have our chat;
For some of us are out of breath,
And all of us are fat!"
"No hurry!" said the Carpenter.
They thanked him much for that.
"A loaf of bread," the Walrus said,
"Is what we chiefly need:
Pepper and vinegar besides
Are very good indeed--
Now if you're ready, Oysters dear,
We can begin to feed."
"But not on us!" the Oysters cried,
Turning a little blue.
"After such kindness, that would be
A dismal thing to do!"
"The night is fine," the Walrus said.
"Do you admire the view?
"It was so kind of you to come!
And you are very nice!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"Cut us another slice:
I wish you were not quite so deaf--
I've had to ask you twice!"
"It seems a shame," the Walrus said,
"To play them such a trick,
After we've brought them out so far,
And made them trot so quick!"
The Carpenter said nothing but
"The butter's spread too thick!"
"I weep for you," the Walrus said:
"I deeply sympathize."
With sobs and tears he sorted out
Those of the largest size,
Holding his pocket-handkerchief
Before his streaming eyes.
"You've had a pleasant run!
Shall we be trotting home again?'
But answer came there none--
And this was scarcely odd, because
They'd eaten every one.
Friday, May 06, 2011
Almost on time, all good till "Madea" and her loud, crazy-ass traveling circus of a family of 7 got on late and couldn't understand why they couldn't all sit together.
Madea and her super-enormous purse graced the seat next to me. God only knows what she's got in there. Oh wait, the canister of handiwipes has emerged. I looked for the rabbit ears...maybe later.
Headphones...book...
Can't wait to see you,
Much love,
B.
Madea and her super-enormous purse graced the seat next to me. God only knows what she's got in there. Oh wait, the canister of handiwipes has emerged. I looked for the rabbit ears...maybe later.
Headphones...book...
Can't wait to see you,
Much love,
B.
Sent from my Palm Pre on the Now Network from Sprint
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
SAS alumni in the news...
Hello Lizzie,
I don't know if you have already posted this news item of not, but I thought I'd share it with you.
The cover story on this month's National Geographic is "Under Paris," an exploration about what really goes on under the streets of the City of Light. Starting with the stunning cover shot of the beauty of the Eiffel Tower reflected in the streets of Paris at twilight to arresting details in a shot of the catacombs, it's another example of the outstanding writer/ photographer partnerships that make NatGeo the only magazine we keep for longer than a month.
By now I'm sure you have figured out where this is going, the photographer is our own Stephen Alvarez. His work on this story is available here http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/02/paris-underground/alvarez-photography
To me, however, the best part is that NPR's Jacki Lyden joined Steven along the journey and produced a feature story airing on the Sunday 30 January Weekend Edition broadcast.
Apparently NPR and NatGeo co-produce stories that are featured in both mediums. More info on Weekend Edition Sunday here http://www.npr.org/programs/weekend-edition-sunday/ . If you miss it, you can also listen to it on-line at their site
I posted the story to my Facebook, but you may also want to send it out as well.
Go Saints...err, Mountain Lions :)~
--
"It's all fixable"
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
2 Maywood cops charged with misconduct
Ok, this was just too freaky to believe.
The part about the 41yo cop and the 18yo kid driving around, drining, smoking weed, hiring hookers and then pistol-whipping him is just too good a story to pass up. God I love Maywood, always good for some crazy-ass shit on slow news days.
Chicago Breaking News
Tuesday, December 21, 2010, 12:48:55 PM
2 Maywood cops charged with misconduct
A deputy chief with the Maywood Police Department is charged with filing a false police report and obstruction of justice for having a former friend arrested on false charges following a dispute between them.
And in another case involving Maywood police, an officer has been charged with theft and official misconduct for stealing from people he arrested or searched, the Cook County state's attorney's office said today.
In the first case, prosecutors say Deputy Chief Brian Black -- a 14-year veteran of the west suburban police force often drove the 18-year-old victim around in his personal vehicle over the past six months, drinking and smoking marijuana.
The pair allegedly hired prostitutes together. In the early morning hours of Nov. 14, they met at a hotel where the 18-year-old expected he and Black would meet with prostitutes, Assistant State's Attorney Nick Trutenko said in court.
Around 3:15 a.m., the friend decided to go home after the prostitutes did not show up and Black offered to drive him home, Trutenko said. On the way, Black repeatedly touched the teen on his thigh and was rebuffed each time by the victim, who began punching him and tried to pull the keys out of the ignition in order to escape the car, Trutenko said.
Black pulled over and, as the teen tried to flee, the deputy chief struck him in the head with his service weapon, Trutenko said. The teen fled and hid in a gangway, where he called 911. Meanwhile, Black ran to a gangway and stashed his gun in a barbecue grill before calling 911 himself.
When Chicago police officers responded, both were taken into custody. At the station, Black initially told investigators he stopped when he heard a shout and the teen, who he did not know, tried to steal his car. Later, he allegedly admitted he knew the teen and that, during a fight in the car, the teen stole his handgun and fled.
Trutenko said the teen consistently told police that Black made inappropriate advances toward him, prompting the fight.
"The defendant is someone who clearly knew not only better, but also knows the (criminal justice) system," Trutenko said, arguing for a significant bail even though the charges are minor felonies. "Using that knowledge, he caused an innocent youth to be arrested and detained for over 10 hours."
An assistant public defender who represented Black at the bond hearing told Judge Israel Desierto that her client cares for his disabled teenage son and is an adjunct professor of criminal justice at Triton College.
The judge ordered Black, 36, held on $75,000 bail on charges of obstruction of justice and felony disorderly conduct. Desierto ordered that Black surrender all firearms and ammunition, along with his passport.
Black joined the department in 1997 and became deputy chief in June 2007.
Earlier today, Desierto set bail at $100,000 for Robert Welch, 41, who joined Maywood's police department in 2004 and was appointed to the special gang enforcement squad in September.
Prosecutors said complaints surfaced about thefts from people he had arrested or detained, prompting a federal sting operation in November.
elch allegedly stole $50 in marked bills from an undercover FBI agent on Nov. 9 and $240 from another undercover FBI agent on Nov. 23. He was arrested at a bar later that same day, and the $240 in marked bills was recovered from him, Trutenko said.
Following his arrest, "he even went so far as to say that the pace of his stealing was increasing as he became more and more comfortable, and he said he became reckless," Trutenko said.
Welch is also facing federal charges in connection with the thefts and is on paid leave from the department, Trutenko said.
Black's status with the police department was not immediately available.
-- Matt Walberg
--
"It's all fixable"
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Fw: NACA Alert - Your file has NOT been NACA qualified (NACA Id: 496010)
Not qualified? I'm crushed, really.
Hey, assholes, a real bank, with real banking professionals who can count to 11 without having to take their shoes off, already gave me a fucking mortgage!
We gutted the place and moved in OVER A YEAR AGO, since we got tired of you jagweeds jerking each other off for 9 months while you should have been processing our file.
You people need to get real jobs.
From: naca-alert@naca.com
Date: Dec 30, 2010 12:10 AM
Subject: NACA Alert - Your file has NOT been NACA qualified (NACA Id: xxxxx)
To: Xxxxx
Hey, assholes, a real bank, with real banking professionals who can count to 11 without having to take their shoes off, already gave me a fucking mortgage!
We gutted the place and moved in OVER A YEAR AGO, since we got tired of you jagweeds jerking each other off for 9 months while you should have been processing our file.
You people need to get real jobs.
Sent from my Palm Pre on the Now Network from Sprint
From: naca-alert@naca.com
Date: Dec 30, 2010 12:10 AM
Subject: NACA Alert - Your file has NOT been NACA qualified (NACA Id: xxxxx)
To: Xxxxx
| NACA | |
|---|---|
NEIGHBORHOOD ASSISTANCE CORPORATION OF AMERICA WWW.NACA.COM | |
Bruce Marks CEO Headquarters: Boston, MA (888) 297-5568 OFFICES: (404) 377-4545 (706) 855-7464 (410) 783-0465 (205) 942-8111 (617) 250-6244 (716) 834-6222 (843) 556-0497 (704) 536-7676 (773) 723-6222 (216) 619-4110 (803) 255-0223 (972) 283-1171 (303) 694-5437 (877) 952-6222 (713) 706-3400 (601) 922-4008 (904) 306-9272 (816) 531-6222 (702) 362-6199 (978) 687-3993 (501) 492-0083 (310) 412-2600 (901) 348-0115 (414) 442-6222 (888) 404-6222 (615) 781-4240 (203) 562-6220 (504) 241-2090 (973) 679-2601 (510) 652-6622 (215) 531-5221 (602) 248-4408 (919) 855-8484 (210) 826-2828 (413) 788-6220 (314) 645-8333 (813) 287-5051 (202) 328-6333 | Dear (my name) We are excited that you are participating in the NACA program and are taking the necessary steps to become homeownership ready. Remember to keep your file updated each month. Fax the most recent of the following:
You should be working directly with your Mortgage Consultant. If there are any concerns or feedback you can contact the Office Manager at the local NACA office. Their contact information is stated below:
Sincerely, NACA Management P.S. Remember to ask the local office on how you can participate in NACA to support our on-going mission and activities. |
Monday, December 20, 2010
Christmas backlash
I don't know about your experience, but every year, the Christmas decorations in the cube farms get one step closer to crazy. If it doesn't blink, it no doubt spins, twinkles or sings. This just makes my DNA scramble. I come from the old school where the most you ever had on your desk was a picture of the girlfriend and/or wife and kids. (In the bad old days, gay people faked it with what we called our "picture frame family") Oh and maybe an ashtray, since we used to be able to smoke at work. Ah, good times.
So, flying in the face of the popular misconception that along with being able to wrap presents and match the sofa to the drapes, gay people love to decorate, I'm here to tall you, not so much. In fact, once as an admissions dean, when faced with an overeager assistant standing in my doorway with a lasso made of garland I actually told her I was allergic to tinsel.
So this year, I have decided to fight back in my own way, circa December 1965. Available at a Walgreen's.
So, flying in the face of the popular misconception that along with being able to wrap presents and match the sofa to the drapes, gay people love to decorate, I'm here to tall you, not so much. In fact, once as an admissions dean, when faced with an overeager assistant standing in my doorway with a lasso made of garland I actually told her I was allergic to tinsel.
So this year, I have decided to fight back in my own way, circa December 1965. Available at a Walgreen's.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Cops kick in doors, save residents from fire
The cops here in Chicago have a pretty bad rep, not undeservedly so in many cases, but now and then, you see a story like this and you realize that most of the folks behind a shield really do care.
Two Chicago police officers kicked in doors to rescue South Shore apartment building residents from an early morning fire.
The Grand Crossing District officers were responding to a call about a fight in the area about 1 a.m. when they saw smoke coming from the top of the building at 7241 S. Stony Island Ave.
Officer Christopher Davis said he and partner Kristopher Krizka kicked in the main entrance door and began evacuating residents from the four-story building.
"There was an elderly lady who couldn't walk out and we helped her out," Davis said.
Added Krizka: "Fortunately everyone was safe and not injured, and the fire department got here quickly."
But residents in the building say the officers are being too modest.
The officers saved their lives, said Julius Riley, a second-floor resident.
"If it wasn't for the Chicago Police Department, there's no telling where we would be right now," he said. "We have a woman in a wheelchair on the upper floor. They carried her down the stairs and got her out. If it weren't for them the whole building would have burned down as well."
Flames could be seen shooting out a third-floor window and from the building's roof. Firefighters had it under control by 1:20 a.m.
Davis said this wasn't the first time he helped out in a fire.
"Actually this is my third one," he said. "Yeah, maybe I'll become a fireman. They have a good contract," he joked.
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